Im 22 days old.... and I'm listening to my mother's voice. Shes crying and it makes me wish i could cry too. She says she has a "cancer" inside of her..... I want to ask her "mum, what is cancer?".....She says she's "too young" for this..... I want to ask her "Mum, What is 'too young'?" ...... She says she doesnt regret "it".... but she wont clarify what "it" is..... I'm afraid shes talking about me.........

Mum.....

I'm not too young to know.......

I Love You.

~Shuffle~

I'm 17 years old.... and im pregnant. I love the father of the child dearly, but i cant handle the responsibility that would come with having a child yet... Im not even out of highschool......

I lay naked wrapped in his arms and he reminds me that he loves me...... I tell him I love him too..... though it makes me want to cry as the song "Eraser" replays its crippling chorus in my mind.....

"Someday I'll find the courage, to embrace you. Someday I'll Find the strength, to erase you."

In the Morning when i wake I tell my own reflection, "I will be strong today...".... I rarely believe it.... but i try anyway...... Every night i ready for bed i tell my own reflection, "Just... kill the cancer inside....before you fall in love"......

And I silently scream it outloud to the world......

"Just Kill The Cancer....."

.... before I get attatched.

~Shuffle~ 

I am 36 years old...... and I am a "Cancer" Doctor. You may even call me a specialist- I majored in the study of Murder. =] I'm the one that women come to when they want to forget the past. I'm the one the young girls call when things are moving way too fast. I listen to them when they scream.....

 "Just kill the Cancer..."

And I Do. With Needles, Pills, and Surgery.

I tear the "weeds" from their planters..... and I toss them aside where scientists decide what kind of weed it would have been. Somedays I enjoy my job.

Others I'd Rather Die Than Kill Another Cancer.

~Shuffle~

I am 19 years old...... And I Killed My "Cancer"....... I've spent my nights for the last two years learning every empty place in my body and soul. Exlporing every lonely gap. It was my only option; i tell myself. Then I medicate and pass out.... Just to forget what I've done.

I convince myself that I'm justified, though I dont believe it for a second....

I know i wouldnt have been a good mother. I never would have had the money or support.... It would have ended in foster care or adoption.... I was only 17.... I didnt even have a job...... And Love doesnt pay the bills.....

So instead I "Just Killed the Cancer...."

And somedays.... I wonder if I was confused......

Maybe I'M the Cancer.........

Oh, how I miss you... and these salty tears stain my cheeks with a disgusting joy of relief.... As I bleed the gasoline from my veins, fueling a fire of temper and rage that will never be extinguished by anything but the touch of your palm, never never never again....

Forever Alone am I as I lay here alone in my bed... Wishing for the mark on my pillows... the marks of your tears, not mine. Instead, I sit quietly waiting... Waiting for you to come back to me, after I was the one who walked away.... Oh how I miss you.....

Do not cry for me, my tears are enough for the two of us combine.... Oh how I miss you...

"So kiss me and smile for me... tell me that you'll wait for me.... hold me like you'll never let me gooooo....."

Oh friend of mine....

(unfinished... must leave... SAKI- CALL ME!)

"Depression is Just Anger without Enthusiasm...."

Maybe I should find the enthusiasm... but then instead of breaking my heart, I'd shatter my fist..... *sighs*

God I miss you....